Have You Been Fun to Live With Today?
Dedicated to Karl and Beverly, who always made time for people.
We begin our days with community meetings in the behavioral health unit of the hospital where I work. Patients gather in the dining room and we talk about what’s on the agenda for the day. I often begin the meeting with an ice breaker question. It’s a chance for people to get to know one another a bit better, hopefully resulting in some meaningful connections. Sometimes I ask, “How do you want to be today?” I find thinking about how we want to be is more insightful than thinking about a task or goal we want to accomplish. Our patients are often depressed or anxious and looking for some meaning in their lives. This question might lead them in a worthwhile direction.
I also ask this question to ground myself. My demeanor at work is influential in the quality of care I provide my patients. Some days I get wrapped up in my to-do list, thinking about all I want to get done. This can leave me feeling rushed and irritated by tasks that take me away from finishing everything I’ve written down. During moments of clarity, I realize that what I accomplish is rarely as important as how I am.
I want to be kind, patient, generous and calm, not only at work but at home, with friends and the people I encounter at the grocery store. At times, my to-do list helps me further develop these qualities, like writing a blog post that will hopefully have a positive impact on a reader’s day, or creating an activity that will help a patient find a tool that eases their nervousness. But other to-dos, like cleaning out the closet in our spare bedroom, mopping the floors, and wiping the windows in the car can often wait, especially if they keep me from being kind, patient, generous or calm.
Several years ago, we had a teenage foster son live with us for a little over a year. Like most teenagers, he, at times, added busyness and stress to our lives. There were many sports activities to attend, grades to monitor and rules to enforce. We all got a little crabby with each other once in a while. During one especially stressful week I was shopping and happened upon a wooden plaque that read, “Have you been fun to live with today?” I bought the plaque and announced during dinner that this would be our new family motto. I’m not sure everyone else thought it was as funny as I did, but we quoted it to one another often. It’s still in our kitchen today. It’s a great reminder that our attitudes affect those around us, especially those we feel the most comfortable with.
As I celebrate my birthday each year, I’ve begun to reflect on how I want to be during the next year of my life. I used to write down goals I wanted to achieve, but once I entered my mid-50’s , that changed. I’ve done a lot. Now it’s time to settle in and think more about my day to day presence and how it affects those I care about - including you, my readers. I looked back on my 56th journal entry the other day and saw that I wished myself more peace with who I am, good health, more time to do things I enjoy, freedom from worry, more love, balance, and an awareness of God’s presence in my life. Wishes, with intention, can come true. I feel I’ve advanced in each of these areas over the past couple years.
There have been two important people in my life who passed away this past month. Their deaths have caused me to do a lot of reflecting about the legacies they left and how they impacted those they cared about. These two people always made time for others. They welcomed neighbors into their backyards for a beer. They pulled out a deck of cards for a game of cribbage when you stopped in for a visit. They were gracious and welcoming. Their to-do lists rarely got in the way of them spending time “being” with someone. Thanks, Karl and Bev. I’ve learned a lot from you.
Read the legacies of Karl Friedline and Beverly Thole here.
Thanks for reading Let Me Share With You! Subscribe for free to receive new posts.
Share this, or any of my posts, with someone who may enjoy them.
Buy me a coffee to support my work. I appreciate you.
I'll carry this question with me going forward ~ thank you for the reminder & essay. I enjoy your posts! Happy holiday :)