What did you want to be?
Where are you now?
Think back to when you were nine years old. What did you want to be? How did you want to be? I had two dreams - one was to be a stay-at-home mom and the other to be a teacher. I remember playing with a friend, acting out our futures. My friend was pretending to be Police Woman. Some of you might remember the 70’s crime drama starring Angie Dickinson. Angie portrayed a bad ass cop, one of the first female cops on TV. My friend leapt out from behind the corner of my basement family room with her arms held straight out in front of her, hands pointed into a gun. She was tough and strong, ready to take on the world. I carried my doll, alternating between swaying back and forth and bouncing her up and down. I had no interest in police work. I wanted a safe life at home, nurturing a brood of little babies.
That dream never happened but my other dream did. I spent many years as a teacher, working with kids ranging from three months old to 18 years old. There were more rewarding days than I can count. I was able to witness kids reading their first words, speaking full Spanish sentences, and using skills we had practiced to control their impulses and have success in their classrooms. It was such an important job and I like to think I was pretty good at it.
What happened that kept me from living out all my dreams? Life. That’s what. I married before I had the self-confidence required to function well in a relationship. I went through a divorce I never dreamed would happen. I made choices prioritizing the present instead of planning for the future. I fell in love with someone who didn’t want any more children. I drank too much to cover up all the anxiety I was experiencing.Â
But you know what? Because I chose the forks in the road I did, I had an abundance of unexpected joys and lessons that made me the me I’m proud to be today. Those forks in the road led me to places, events and feelings I would never have experienced had I turned right instead of left. Some were positive, others not so much. But loving a partner deeper than I imagined possible, fostering children, finding sobriety, having fulfilling careers and amazing friendships, reading books, visiting new places, breaking down and rebounding led me to the unique contentment I experience today. Would the other path have led to contentment? Maybe. But not the same contentment I have now. I would have missed out on this.
Debbie Miller is an incredible educator. She’s written several books and instructed numerous teachers on how to teach children to read and write. My grad school classmates and I watched one of her videos. In the video, she’s sitting on her classroom floor at the end of the day, spreading out her first grade students’ writing assignments in front of her and reflecting on how she can fill in their learning gaps or take them to the next steps on their writing journeys. That image has stuck with me through the years. Reflection is a powerful tool.
We could all use a little Debbie Miller style reflection in our lives. What a gift we’ve been given to be able to pause after choosing our fork in the road and determining if we want to stay on the current path or back up and choose a different route. Sometimes life just happens and we don’t get to choose our outcomes. But most of the time we have the opportunity to spread out our current circumstances in front of us and decide how we’re going to fill in our own life gaps or determine if we’re ready to advance to the next steps.
I’m dedicated to the act of reflection these days. I journal nearly every morning. I pray nearly every night. I set long term goals and sit down on Sunday evenings to decide if I’ve veered off course and whether or not I need to get back on course or continue down the new, unexpected path.
So, I guess life is a combination of continual reflection, recalibration and treasuring where life’s circumstances have led us. Even, or dare I say, especially, during the tough times. They tend to develop our true character, teaching us to be patient, empathetic, diligent, creative and resourceful.
So, what about you? Which fork in the road did you take that led you to be the incredible you you are today? I’d love for you to share your story with me in the comments below.
Also, I’m planning on adding an additional post each month. You’ll be hearing from me on the first and third Wednesdays beginning in June.
I read not long ago what I wrote in my high school yearbook for my future dreams - I wrote that I wanted to be a writer, living by the ocean. I had to laugh - I’m a copyeditor, living near a (small) lake. Not quite there! Ha! You inspire me to think, Geva! Thank you😊
My 9 year old self was going to be an astronaut....then scientist. I was going to do something big! At 41 I learned how to listen to what I wanted instead of what I thought I wanted or was supposed to want. Now I'm teaching and love it. I make a bigger impact than I dreamt possible, it's just not in the limelight. And I'm deeply content. Many forks in the road!